Why are we attracted to someone? The science that studies human and animal behavior, also called ethology, gives us the answer.
Attraction is a complex as well as interesting subject that has fascinated many psychologists for many years . Several and diverse factors are implicit in the fact that we feel attracted to some people and not others, such as emotional, biological, cultural aspects , etc. Today we will find out what ethology says about this.
At first, I’ll mention some biological factors that explain why we feel attracted to someone, related to physical appearance, which can influence whether or not we find a person attractive. Some of them are the following:
- Cleaning . It provides information about a person’s health and biological effectiveness.
- Familiar facial features. Facial features that resemble the population average are often considered attractive, as when they are extreme or very different, they can indicate bad genes.
- Body and facial cimetry. Indicates health, resistance to parasites and absence of disease during development.
- Men with masculine features and deep voices. Prominent chin, marked cheekbones, symmetrical face, broad shoulders and narrow hips. These are characteristics that tend to be more attractive in men and that indicate high testosterone levels and good health.
- Women with a narrow waist and large breasts. Indicates higher rates of fertility, health and absence of pregnancy. These are considered attractive traits in women.
It should be noted that the aspects mentioned above are aspects that ethology, after studying them, considers important when verifying that they are related to natural and biological selection. However, staying at it can be very simplistic, since beauty and attractiveness depend on many other factors, such as the particularity of each person, cultural and social aspects, etc. Still, it’s an interesting insight to consider.
Another interesting fact observed in couples, both in the short and long term, is that they often have approximately the same level of physical attractiveness , while the compatibility of values, ideology or personality, among others, correlates more with long-term couples.
Behaviors we use to attract people
What about the behaviors humans use to attract someone or flirt? What does ethology say about this? Are some more effective than others? Which ones do we usually use?
Well, what ethology says is that, during courtship or flirting, the most effective and efficient verbal and non-verbal behaviors and language at a biological level are the following:
- smile
- give gifts
- Make eye contact, hold gaze, blink rapidly.
- Having physical contact with the other during the conversation: touching hands and arms
In short, these would be some of the issues that social psychology and ethology have studied and considered important about human attraction. They are certainly very interesting, but as mentioned, these are just a few examples. There are many others linked to subjective and personal decisions, cultural and social aspects, fashions, etc.
Theories that do not take into account physical aspects
There are other theories that explain why we feel attracted to certain people, this time without taking into account the physical aspects.
1. Similarity theory
Want to know why we feel attracted to someone? Science explains that we are attracted to people we perceive to be similar to us in different aspects , such as personality, lifestyle, hobbies, tastes. We feel like we fit in, and when looking for people who share these same values, we feel attracted to them
2. Self-disclosure theory
Revealing intimate aspects increases connection, intimacy and attraction to the other person. Create an ideal climate for connection.
3. Theory of reciprocity
When we see that it’s mutual, we are attracted to people who are also attracted to us. Like when we are told that someone likes us, we almost automatically feel some kind of special connection or reciprocity with that person.
4. Proximity theory
The fact that the other person is physically close to us can facilitate attraction, as there are more opportunities for closeness or contact. On the other hand, it also influences the “mere exposure effect” defined by the psychologist Zajón, who states that, by simply getting used to and exposing ourselves to a stimulus, it can go from neutral to positive. The same would happen with people. Repeated contact or familiarity with the other person can make attraction easier. Today, constant contact through social networks, which can be maintained despite the physical distance, can also facilitate this approach or attraction.
5. Arousal Theory
The fact that certain people involved go through the same situation of danger, emotion or adrenaline, can facilitate a climate of special connection for the attraction to emerge.
6. Theory of complementarity
We are attracted to people who are contrary to us in certain ways. This theory would respond to the well-known phrase “opposites attract”. The purpose of this attraction is to form a couple in balance. Therefore, couples in which one person is very extroverted and the other is quite introverted are very common.
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